Demiurgic

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me!

2009-12-17T13:31:18Z

"Crouch can't get it in, but Kranjcar rams it home!"

Who says football is boring, eh?

I had a rather eventful faux-Christmas work party after being invited to the real Christmas work party...200 miles away from where I was. Where I was (and still am, actually) is a rather quaint place called Chilcompton. Never heard of it? Don't worry, only seven people actually have and they all live here. Chilcompton only has two pubs to speak of, although there is a third that doubles as a hotel, so I just class it as a hotel. So for our Christmas party the rejects, as I have decided to brand us, decided that we would hit both of those pubs and then spend the company's Christmas party money. In other words; we would get spannered!

But the first pub was shut.

So we were forced to walk to the second pub and drink in there. It was actually a really nice pub, if not a bit far from the office we were currently working in. Especially as we had to walk in one direction to the closed pub, which incidentally also had absolutely no streetlights around it, shrouding it in impenetrable darkness, after we pierced said darkness and found the locked door that we could not penetrate, we had to walk back, past the office and to the next pub.

I'm beginning to think I'm writing a Dungeons and Dragons story here, but that's just because of the language I am using to set the scene.

As I mentioned before; the second pub was nice. It was warm, the locals were inviting, the ale was hardy and the grub was tasty (as was the barmaid wearing the white hotpants and stocking, but I digress). With three, four maybe even five ales down me and roughly the same number of alcoholic drinks down everyone else, we made our exit for the hotel.

At eleven PM.

In the rain.

Walking.

Where there were no paths.

To a hotel one fucking mile away.

It didn't take long for us to decide that whatever astronaut, nuclear physicist, brain surgeon of a bastard thought that all of that combined was a good idea was a genius.

When we got back to the bar we stuck the television on just in time to watch Match of the Day, which was where I heard the unfortunate line of commentary that I quoted at the top of this overdue journal entry. We also watched the end of the Sixth Sense, while still drinking heavily. I was quite impressed, I haven't actually seen the Sixth Sense. I didn't see the point after I had the huge twist of the film ruined for me by bastards who assume I watch every movie ever immediately.

I'm now just looking forward to going home and having next week off for Christmas. With the missus still working I'll have plenty of time to play Left 4 Dead (still the original, the new one is good but not excellent), Call of Duty 6 (for masochistic purposes) and watch the remainder of Planet Earth. I decided to buy and watch the documentary purely for the fact that I love nature shows and I have a HIGH DEFINITION television now. So when those wide angle vista shots come up I almost cry because it looks so good.

One last thing. If you live in England BUY KILLING IN THE NAME BY RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!

A Means To An End

2009-03-02T22:57:01Z

And so another great series comes to an end. Actually the series came to an end years ago. But now the series of movies that followed the television series has come to an end. I'm talking about Into The Wild Green Yonder, the fourth and final Futurama adventure. Why the Futurama series was cancelled is a question that I'm sure no-one can answer. Maybe it was simply to herald in the four films; three of which were just excellent (yes Beast With A Billion Backs, I'm looking at you). The last film was one of those kinds of endings, where all the way through you can tell it's the last ever Futurama, because they keep doing that wink, wink "this is so ironic because this is the ending" thing right through the film. I should be sick of that kind of thing now but I just can't seem to get enough of it.

Two of the best endings to a TV series that I can recall off the top of my head were Blakes 7 and Angel. Ironically their endings were pretty similar. That's another thing I love. Especially in Angel's case.

This is probably the first time I've used an LJ cut. So if it doesn't work properly I apologise. The thing I loved about the ending of Angel was the way it was a perfect coda for the entire series. For five years the characters have fought the good fight and that's what they do right up until the bitter end. Even the very last line; "Let's go to work." was a great way of summing up Angel as a series. Yes I remember people arguing that there was no closure. "What happened next?" Even though there's a comic series that shows what happened next, I didn't need to know what happened next. The closure was in the scenes that preceeded the finale, as each character came to terms with what they were about to do and then they went and did it.

Whenever I begin writing something that is more than a "one-off" I always know exactly how it's going to end. It's the way I write. I come up with the beginning of the journey for the main character, of characters, and I come up with the ending point. And then I have fun exploring the in between parts. Back in the day, the day being about three years ago at university, I used to plot out every broad stroke from beginning to end. Everything had to be accounted for. And once that I was done I would write what I had written as fiction rather than synopsis. Basically I would write detailed directions from beginning to end and would very rarely make pit stops or take in the sights along the way. Now I have a beginning and an ending in mind when I start. I write out 'premise', 'characters' and 'setting' (and maybe some other important information). And then I create a story that takes me from beginning to end, making the whole thing up as I go. If I've written something interesting down in one of the character bio's I'll take that and see where it leads. Or maybe a throwaway comment I made while writing about an orginisation in the world that I've created will pique my interest and I'll see where that leads.

I'm not saying that the way I write now compared to the way I used to write is better. It's different. And in the case of what I'm writing now it makes the most sense in two ways; first, I have no idea how much mileage I'm going to get out of the comic, and second it's the best way to stick to the premise. Sure there are things I've already gotten mapped out, dramatic high points I know are going to come. But building towards them and seeing what happens in between them suprises me as much as it will suprise any readers.

Characterisation is something I've been working on for years. When I first started writing I kicked off a major project that I'm still trying to find a way of getting out there. A huge, grand science-fiction epic. About twelve people have seen any of it, in any variation. The science-fiction and epicness were fine, the humour and action were great. But the characterisation sucked. My characters were one-dimensional cardboard cutouts. When I was in university I got a first for a screenplay I wrote that was the first twenty-pages of a pilot for a series. I wanted to see if I could satisfy myself by writing an entire series of a television show. So I wrote something that was very close to my heart at the time; I fixed the fact that the Borg in Star Trek: Voyager were complete pussies and were destroyed far too easily. I wrote twenty episodes of a first series for Star Trek: Collective. The only thing that I was dissatisfied with was the characterisation.

But writing the first thirty or so pages of an untitled film screenplay and now this comic I have created some pretty dynamic and interesting characters. They're characters that I'd love to watch or read about in a film or comic. And that passes my benchmark because if I'm not writing something I'd love to see or read then I've failed. Because, while I'm writing, the only person that I want to like the damned thing is me. If I don't like it then no-one else is going to like it.

I also started a trial for a really old MMO but one that I've been meaning to play since the end of my World of Warcraft days; City of Heroes. How it has taken me three/four years to play a superhero MMO is beyond me. I've had two goes at the tutorial so far as I try to figure out what kind of superhero I want to be. So far I know that it's not the 6" tall, barely dressed Neelana. A Human super agent with no superpowers relying only on her elite training and Merc assault rifle. I also know it's not Lyla 5.0, the failed government cyborg experiment with bio-mechanical skin,robotic arms, super reflexes and a proficiency for martial arts. Number three might just be the one, though I haven't created him/her yet.

Trailer (Not) Trash

2009-02-25T22:30:09Z

Still can't talk about anything comic-related.

Well, that sentence isn't specifically true. I can tell you that The New Avengers by Bendis rocks. DMZ is a good comic too. X-Men: The End was far too confusing for someone, like myself, who only has a basic understanding of the X-Men (for basic read: Wolverine has adimantium claws, Storm can control weather etc.). Silent Hill: Dying Inside is creepy as fuck and any comic with the words Star Trek that are not immediately followed by the words New Frontier should be avoided like bubonic plague. But as for my comic, I can reveal nothing that hasn't already been revealed.

Speaking of Silent Hill the fifth edition of the gaming series is coming out on Friday. Unfortunately due to monetary restraints I won't be picking up a launch day copy. Not only do I have to buy Resident Evil 5: The Racist One but I also have to renew my 360 Gold account that very same day. Otherwise playing through it co-operatively would be exceptionally impossible. But Silent Hill has always held a special place in my heart. The last game was a masterpiece. It somehow ended up being both the best and worst Silent Hill game ever. Playing through the first half of the game, culminating in a trip to a hospital that was the single greatest location in a Silent Hill game, was utterly amazing. Playing through the second half was like someone chopping off your penis halfway through the best sex of your life. I apologise for the vulgar metaphor but it's late, I'm tired. If anyone picks Homecoming up in the next few weeks please tell me how awesome it is without spoiling the game for me.

Ever since JJ 'Lost' Abrams was attached to the Star Trek reboot I've been nervous. The trailer has gone some way to allaying my fears until I remember that it's still the guy who gave the world Lost and Alias...oh and Cloverfield. I've never understood why Star Trek had to re-cast and re-use the crew of the original NCC-1701 to reboot the franchise. For a series about Star Trek, primarily about Humanity in the future, boldly going "where no man, where no one has gone before", why the hell wasn't it set in the 25th century? Use the 40+ years of backstory from five seperate TV shows and ten films, skip forward from the ending of Nemesis say...30 years and write down everything that happened along the way. Then craft a TV series set in the 31st year and boldly go once more. Makes sense to me. And it's not like Nemesis was even a bad film...it just needed to be a bit tighter, with more focus on what Stewart, Spiner and everyone else did best. Acting. Not shooting peeps and blowing stuff up all the time.

The trailer for Watchmen looks amazing though. Some of the scenes look like they've been lifted straight from the comic. This makes me happy, as the comic really was amazing. And the teaser for Mass Effect 2, which as I've said before, was one of the greatest games ever made (fully interactive alien lesbo sex and all), was excellent. Eyebrow-raisngly excellent is still excellent. Now all I need a trailer for is for Heavy Rain and I'm all set. The game would be nice...and a machine to play it on since it's a PS3 exclusive. Details, details...

Time

2009-02-23T19:17:13Z

When does anyone actually find the time to do anything anymore these days? The things I love doing are writing, playing games, blogging and spending some quality time with the girlfriend. Sprinkle in 40+ hours of time per week wasted due to work. I used to update this blog every two or three days at the latest, and now it has been nine weeks since my last update. Well some of it is down to expanding my gaming time, I have been spending a lot more time with my girlfriend and I have been writing more.

An opportunity has arisen for some of my work to get out there. There being in the hands of Mr. Joe Public, BSc. There's not a whole lot I can really divulge right now as everything is at a very preliminary stage. But there are talks and there is writing and there is artwork. What I can say is that I am finally writing with a view to people whom I don't know reading my work, and paying for the privilege. As I have mentioned artwork it is safe to assume, and assume correctly, that this writing is taking the form of a comic book venture. In terms of story, setting, characters or anything else I am reticent to say too much because...well, there really isn't much to actually say.

And so blogging, once a great personal distraction while I solved the writers block I had on page twenty-six (for example), has again entered the foremost corners of my mind. It seems that I'm only interested in sharing things with my friends when I am trying to share stories with the world at large. I don't know whether that makes me selfish, or if that word even applies in this context. It might make me something but, for the moment at least, I am at a loss to describe what that is with words alone.

I can assume if there is anyone who started reading this blog, and who kept going all the way to this point, that my life is of some vague interest to you. I'm glad. While I write this blog mostly for my own personal gains I do like knowing that there are people who are willing to read this inane and over-written drivel. I will write any information that I feel confident on sharing about the comic (and any info that I can share) in future blog installments. I shall also write about my life and air my opinions as I always do; that is with great amounts of coarse language and a certain flair for creative sentence structure.

Moving on then.

Nothing terribly exciting happens when I am spending time with my girlfriend, just the way I like it. We mostly cuddle and talk or cuddle and watch suitably geeky programming.

I have bought and played so many games over the past few months that to write about them all in detail, as I was planning to, would take up your entire F-List screen. So here's me trying to be succinct for a change.

Left 4 Dead - Quite possibly one of the greatest games ever made, and definitely the greatest multiplayer co-op game ever made. If you have an XBL gamertag and this game, add me for some zombie killing fun (EDIT: my XBL gamertag is 'Jerobolod').

Rock Band 2 - Utter crap. Rubbish song selection and they've made medium way too easy.

FEAR 2 - Lives up to its name. It scared the shit out of me.

HAWX - I'm not usually one for fighter pilot games, as they're all basically the same. But seriously, download the demo and turn 'assisted mode' off. It's incredible.

Fallout 3 - Continues to dominate my life.

The 99.8% penis equation and other tales of mystery...

2008-12-16T23:30:31Z

The ratio of my e-mail inbox at one of my addresses reads as follows:

E-mails from friends: 0%
E-mails from African Prince's: 0.2%
E-mails telling me I need viagra to satisfy a woman: 23.5%
E-mails telling me that my penis is way, way too small: 76.3%

I get the occasional IGN e-mail for some reason too. But IGN has never been worth mentioning before. The penis equation, as I have dubbed it, is quite apparent and has made me question my manhood for the first time. I mean yeah, everyone (and I mean everyone) gets one or two e-mails telling them their penis is a tiny, insignificant thing that couldn't hold an erection in a hojillion years. But to have my entire inbox clogged with said e-mails makes me wonder if maybe they're onto something.

Jenny has been chanting "emotion and motivation" like a mantra for the past several hours. Apparently it's part of her psychology homework. She's trying to link the two, finding out how much emotion drives motiviation. My answer is: they're not linked, for me. Whether I'm in a bad mood or a good mood doesn't affect my motivation one way or another. What motivates me is challenge. The challenge of finishing a chapter of a novel, an outline, of meeting a deadline or sometimes just getting out of damn bed in the morning. The only time emotion and affects motivation (or vice versa) is in depression. A lack of motivation causes depression, as depression causes a lack of motivation. A vicious cycle I have been locked in a few times.

And the only reason I am talking about this is because she's over there, on the sofa, talking to herself about it over and over.

Happy birthday to my friend Jen, who is a certain age today. What age I am uncertain. That's because I'm a pretty lousy friend when it comes to remembering numbers such as ages, birthdays, anniversaries or anything of the sort. I'm fairly sure she's between the ages of sixteen and one-hundred, so there you go.

I'm at a loose end tonight as I was supposed to be meeting some friends for a quick and enjoyable game of Left 4 Dead tonight. The zombie game where you play as a survivor (one of four, hence the name) and escape through a city/forest/whichever scenario you decide upon. It's an awesome, intense game and the fact that I can't play the damn thing is driving me up the wall. Especially considering none of my friends are interested in playing Neverwinter Nights 2 with me. One of them managed to go and get himself hooked on EVE Online, pillock. It makes me miss the days of PBeM'ing in Stargate Command. Something I hadn't thought about for a while until someone brought it up. It makes me wonder if we could go on a reunion tour.

At least I still have Heroes to watch. And Stargate: Atlantis old and new now that I have found a new, totally anonymous, viewing partner to watch it from the start with me. And I still haven't managed to finish Oblivion. Mostly because I have calculated the average gameplay time of the latest Elder Scrolls installment to be approximately seven-hundred million three-hundred and ninety-five thousand six-hundred and nine minutes from start to finish. Give or take an hour or two.

I need some social gaming time!

Dagnabbit.

WARNING: Murdering mythical creatures may cause fatal system error...

2008-12-14T23:36:07Z

Eleven long weeks since an update on this blog. And after I promised myself that this time I was going to get back to updating regularly. At least once a week. I suppose that means that technically, to keep my projections on target, I should write eleven posts. But I really can't be bothered writing that much in one go. So I suppose there you have it.

Before I write anything more I just would like everyone to take a moment to hold my lovely fiancee, Jenny, in your thoughts. She lost both her grandparents during the last couple of weeks.

...

And now if you could just hold me in your thoughts for a moment. My X-Box 360 has gone. Passed on to a better place with rainbows and butterflies and all of that mumbo jumbo. It passed on very suddenly as I was playing Tomb Raider: Underworld, just after dropping a large, spiked object on a blind Kraken's head. It seems that in killing the Kraken I was also killing my beloved gaming machine. It's the three red lights, the so-called "Red Ring of Death", that has taken hold of it. No more Rock Band, no more Fable II (luckily I had just managed to finish this games main quest line) and the rest. I didn't even get to try Left 4 Dead's online multiplayer component. But it has left me time to look at other things, to attempt other projects and, in a move that has shocked my fiancee, to actually finish reading a newspaper for the first time since...well, ever, I suppose.

The first thing that I realised is that the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons has perhaps the most astute acronym of all Human history: BAAPS.

I've used my time away from the 360, which stands at around 30 hours so far, to play Neverwinter Nights 2, re-discover D&D by checking out the new 4th edition rules and writing some more character bio's for my new novel. Well bio's might be a bit strong, a small, three of four sentence paragraph on each character. I have about fifteen main characters so far so the novel is going to be quite expansive. It's working title is merely Darkness, which is a pretty apt title. I will be posting some stuff about it here soon, looking for, craving one might say, feedback. I am a feedback whore and I require constant stroking of my gargantuan ego.

And before you ask, given that my other two pursuits in my X-Box free life have been D&D related, the novel is not related to Dungeons and Dragons in any way. Except that it is a fantasy novel and D&D is a fantasy tabletop RPG franchise that has also branched out into, among other things, a couple computer games and films.

Speaking of D&D films (yes, there was more than one) I would love to know how someone can actually manage to fuck up a D&D film. The game has been going since the dawn of time, there have been four editions (five, if you class 3.5 as a separate edition entirely). The potential to tell a hugely compelling story, epic, moving story is right there! One read through the 3rd edition rulebook as a young, impressionable sixteen year-old was enough to create a character I would be playing for four years in a single campaign setting. It should be literally impossible to make a worse fantasy film than the horrible Lord of the Rings trilogy with the D&D license. Instead of a masterwork of a film we get Jimmy fucking Olsen from Lois & Clark (a series that was an abortion within itself) prancing about as a gay thief spouting a load of shit about honour amongst thieves. I would trash the second D&D film but it sent me into a coma within five minutes of viewing. coma that took me eleven days to awake from. My friend Russ has seen it though. He's seen everything. Even Aeon Flux.

And it takes someone with an iron will and a strong constitution to sit through that film.

(That was a D&D reference, by the way).

Bye everyone, hopefully I won't leave it eleven weeks to write another of these ramblings. I hope you are all doing okay.

Backsies

2008-09-26T22:53:08Z

I'm still on the road with my job, which has limited my Internet access no end. I have two days a week at home and a weeks worth of stuff to do in two days. So, naturally, some things have to be cut and trying to keep a blog, a blog which is both interesting to write down and interesting for people to read is challenging. And I am not paying five pounds for one hour of Internet in a hotel. Although I may invest in one of those mobile Internet dongles, I hear they're all the rage these days.

I got engaged shortly after posting my last entry to this blog. To the lovely lady sitting next to my ugly mug in the picture at the top of this post. Before anyone asks how I did it or something, I literally just popped a ring out and then asked the question. I was ninety-nine percent sure of what the answer was going to be and decided that it was safe to play those odds. Luckily enough she said yes. So I am currently one of the happiest men on the planet right now. The wedding itself won't be for another couple of years; she wants to finish university and there's a chance I might be traveling the country like some kind of merchandiser-cum-circus freak for quite a while longer yet. But she has a pretty ring on her finger, of which I shall obtain a picture for my next entry.

I have a tip for anyone who needs to get a girlfriend/fiancee/wife off their backs. If said G/F/W loved Harry Potter then hook them up with a novel called Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. It's got vampires in it. I bought a copy for the missus a couple of days ago and she has already managed to devour the entire book. Apparently it's better than Harry Potter. Her words not mine because I haven't had a chance to read it yet. If you are yourself a Harry Potter fan (and I hear there are a few out there) then get a copy and start reading. And don't worry when it has been finished' it's the first part of a series.

In other news I lost my mobile phone and all of the numbers that came with it. So if I have anyones mobile number before then, well, I don't anymore. So if you would like me to have your number again, and to be honest would the heck would you, then drop me an e-mail: coolandfunny 'at' hotmail.com

As it's late and I really need some sleep for tomorrow (big day, we're visiting Durham Cathedral) I'm going to cut this post off early. It's basically your bog standard "I'm alive, I hope everyone remembers who I am" kind of things.

Howdy Pardner!

2008-05-18T22:27:25Z

Ah, it's just like it was a few years ago, back at university. When I was writing like a machine and had several projects on the go at once. I really do have a multitude of projects on the go, as it were, and it's bloody brilliant. The only differences are that I have to fit my writing around my girlfriend, which I can manage really easily because she's amazing, and that fact that I have a full time job, which is forever the bane of my existence. I'm back out on the road now like I was when I was doing the refits, which makes the job better, because the place I usually work is a horrible, horrible cess pool.

But back to the writing. Of the three projects that I am actively pursuing there I am not embarking on any of them solo. One of them wasn't even my idea! Writing partners are a great thing because just when you feel like you need a second opinion, you're not sure where to take your script/novel/whatever or you need a kick up your own arse because your narcissism is getting the better of you (which can be a problem for me) then you have someone to turn to.

The whole writing process can be one hell of a draining experience. You can go from the high of figuring out your new idea to the low of realising that it wasn't as brilliaint as you first thought it was faster than Jeremy Clarkson can get a Bugatti Veyron from nought to sixty.

So to Sy, Jeremy and Jenny; it's time to make some cinematic/prose history!

Pacing In General

2008-04-04T07:36:22Z

Whenever I get stuck with the pacing of my script/book/comic/anything else I start pacing. Actually I pace in general, when I'm coming up with an idea. I don't know why constant movement helps with my writing. And writing I am. I have an outline sitting on my hard drive that needs expanding upon, although I do have until August to come up with anything. Although waiting until August might not be such a good idea as that's when we're shooting. I must be the only person in the world who plans to take a two week holiday from work to go to a foreign country to do more work,

My own script is coming along nicely. I've already re-written the first twenty pages. Impressive as I had only written twenty pages. It took about forty minutes of pacing to realise why I was unhappy with the script in the first place. The pacing of the film was spot on but I needed to change the order in which the characters arrive at 'The House(TM)'. Other than that the meeting, reveal, meeting and breakdown are spot on. Or they will be until I go through the script and replace most of the words with red text.

Lost Odyssey is a great game, although it is a game whose name I cannot for the life of me spell ninety-percent of the time. I bought it over the weekend just gone, The poor guy who served me had to retrieve it from the window display because their last copy was on demo on a 42" television. Once I got it home I didn't play it right away (I had friends over, we played Forge on Halo 3 instead). Besides getting stuck for three days on the first boss, not the one in the beginning sequence, I finally managed to progress. As usual with RPG's the main element of the game is the storyline and, in that regard, Lost Odyssey is a classic. Except for an overblown and excessively long funeral scene I haven't found a fault with it yet. Plus Jansen Friedh is the ultimate comic relief.

Robert Mugabe lost an election. He tried to fix this one too, although I wouldn't be surprised to hear that his opponents had learned from his shining example and pulled a similar stunt. After all, when one fixes an election one doesn't generally lose. And fix it he did (try). In one villiage with about twenty or thirty homes there were thousands of registered voters. Big houses. And lets not forget all the polling stations with ballot boxes stuffed to the brim with ballots...before the election had begun. I really hope they finally get rid of Mugabe and start getting their country back on track. Living with an 100,000%+ inflation rate must be tough on anyone.

"There are three types of lies - lies, damn lies and statistics"

2008-02-13T16:35:57Z

I couldn't tell you who to attribute that quote to. It could have been Mark Twain who said it first...or maybe Benjamin Disraeli. If someone knows who said it first let me know.

People who say politics doesn't interest them always puzzle me. Apart from the fact that almost everything in this modern day life is affected in some way by politics (from the cost of milk to how much you are paid) there's many other reasons to love politics. One of the biggest T.V. shows of the last twenty years was set in the American White House and centered around politics. The West Wing was a huge hit that had many people tuning in week in, week out. Yes Minister and the show that followed Yes, Prime Minister are both practically part of the British heritage; they're two of the best, most well written and most enduring comedies in our history and are still, if not even more so, relevant today. Even shows like Stargate and Farscape were (and still are) throwing political curve balls at their characters, even if the politics involved were of a basic level they were still entertaining and interesting.

It's not just on T.V. either. Pick up a newspaper in this country and you won't be able to escape the race for the democratic nomination between Obama and Clinton. Even in tabloid newspapers like The Sun and The Mirror. Every week or so lately it seems everyone has an opinion on Northern Rock, data discs, MP's allowances, inflation, the war on terror, the sharia...the list goes on and on. Just like love it seems that politics are all around. Everything is under the purvue of the politicians in this day and age. Not that I'm saying it wasn't in another day and age I just happen to have not been alive in this day and age. There's even a political-sim called Democracy out there where you run a country like a Prime Minister or a President. There was even enough popularity for a sequel!

Popular music has been churning out political lyrics for countless years. The Live Aid song; Do They Know It's Christmas Time was a song specifically engineered for a political outcome. They used it twice to try and bring about that same political end. Political Science by Randy Newman and Get Up, Stand Up by Bob Marley are another two political (anti-war) songs. A lot of Bob Dylan's output had a political bent and some say that the title of Radiohead's sixth studio album; Hail To The Thief, was Bush-baiting. If you listen to Rage Against The Machine, their songs are all about political injustice.

I've had my head buried in British politics for a couple of weeks now for the purposes of writing and it's fascinating stuff. I mean, not just the crazy stuff, like the law that says I could go to jail for writing a comedy wherein Jesus Christ is a homosexual or a circus clown (yes, I am using two examples of successful prosecution), but the normal stuff too. Just learning how the whole process works; how the country can be changed in the time it takes six-hundred odd people to say 'aye' and how each one of those six-hundred odd people has a different view or opinion...it's fascinating. It's interesting. Maybe that makes me a big geek and maybe I'm in the minority...

But everyone seems to be taking an interest in politics these days.

The Windows Vista freebie

2008-02-07T15:48:39Z

I have recently discovered, quite by accident, a way to use Windows Vista for absolutely nothing.

I bought my laptop just before the big Windows Vista (or 'Wista') launch. It came with Windows XP Media Centre edition and an entitlement to a free Wista upgrade. When Wista was released I duly sent away for my free upgrade disc. Maybe some of you have even gotten hold of such a disc. I upgraded my system to Wista Home Premium using the product key that was on the bottom of my laptop and set about using my new OS for about seven months quite happily. It then came to that wonderful time of year where I realised that my laptop was full of rubbish and was so bogged down that the only economical way to sort it all out was to wipe clean and start again. So I backed everything up and wiped the memory of my laptop.

Then the fun began.

I used my Wista upgrade disc to reinstall my OS but discovered that the product key wasn't working. So I excercised my option to continue without inputting a product key and, for a laugh, decided to install Wista Ultimate (seeing as how any version of Wista you get hold of has all versions on it). I used Ultimate for the entitled thirty day period and found out that I wasn't entitled to use the disc to install a clean copy of Wista on my laptop. I would have to install XP Media Centre and then upgrade again. Being unable to find the XP Media Centre disc I decided to try and install Wista, again using my upgrade disc. I wasn't hopeful of this working as I was sure Microsoft would have safeguards in place to prevent me from simply wiping Wista after my thirty days were up and reinstalling it again for another thirty days.

It didn't.

In fact I have managed to reinstall all my applications, programs, games, drivers, updates and documents onto my laptop within just two hours. Added on the hour Wista takes to install it took my roughly three hours to have my laptop back to the way it was and ready to use. The process was, suprisingly, hassle free. If I spent a mere three hours every thirty days wiping my hard drive and reinstalling my OS I could use Wista Ultimate for absolutely free. As could anyone who has the free upgrade disc, or even anyone who knows someone who has the free upgrade disc.

The even more surprising thing is that even after thirty days your computer will still be useable. If you have your computer switched on once the time limit is up a message will pop-up informing you that Windows must be activated immediately. If you move the pop-up window to the bottom corner of your screen so it isn't visible anymore you can continue to use your computer hassle free as usual. The only thing you cannot do is switch it off. Restarting the computer will lock you out of Windows altogether. So I am currently running Wista for free, with a legal disc that was sent to me by Hewlet Packard.

Bonus.

Mass Effect Is A "Virtual Orgasmic Rape Machine" Episode Two: Attack of the FOX

2008-01-23T21:46:39Z

Kevin McCullough has issued an apology to gamers for his previous attack on said gamers. I can't link it because the site, Town Hall, has no record of any of the three blog entries regarding Mass Effect.

However FOX News have jumped in. Gamers really do get battered, don't we? Once one thing stops another starts.

Here's a video that last about seven minutes (if I recall correctly) where a totally "even" and "unbiased" panel discuss Mass Effect. A woman tries to say that the game makers and players (all men/boys) objectify women...a point that objectifies men/boys. The content of the game shouldn't be viewed by kids under fifteen years old. That's why it's rated fifteen (or M in America). If a kid gets hold of the game the parent must own it or must have bought it for the kid. If the kid has it bought for him by the parent then there's nothing a retailer can do, the parent can produce I.D. to prove he or she is older than fifteen. If the kid buys it the damned retailer shouldn't have sold it. If the parent owns the game he or she should use the "SeXbox" parental controls.

Machinima is a way of making movies using computer games. Manipulating the in-game engine of something like Halo or The Sims. Sounds difficult? It is. You're pretty limited in what you can do, which is obvious. But some really clever, creative boffins have created Moviestorm, which is a Machinima making tool to create said movies without being restricted by a specific game.

Try it, it's free! You never know what you could create.

Imagine The Irony...

2008-01-16T13:38:28Z

I love reading crap people write about computer games. What is it about American conservatives? Do they just attack geeks because they think we're all still spotty and live in our parents basements? For the record my parents never had a basement. I lived in an actual bedroom until I moved out aged eighteen. I did enjoy a second stint living there at age twenty-two for two months. Again I didn't live in a basement. Before I rip apart an article that could see the writer sued because he managed to get the facts monumentally wrong I wish to congratulate him. My theory is that he was sick of being a political nobody; someone whose name no-one knew. Now people know his name. Even if they do relate that name to the word "jackass" they still know it.

The game he writes about is called Mass Effect. I think I've spoken about it in an earlier post. When I found out it had become the target of an attack usually reserved for Grand Theft Auto or Manhunt I thought it may have been April 1st. The only thing I could think of that he could attack is that you can choose to be a bit of a badass and whatnot. A couple of swearwords and a few evil deeds; but surely not serious enough to warrant an attack.

Although I'm loathe to give this guy any more hits; here's the article in question. Please read it.

Done? Excellent. You've got to love some of his turns of phrase. I mean I don't think I'm ever likely to again read/hear the sentence: "...virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away."

His objection to the game seems to stem from a thirty-second YouTube video, because that's how long the scene in question lasts. Let me just tell you a little about Mass Effect the game. You play Commander Shepard, an elite member of the Human military. At the beginning of the game you can customise your facial appearance, first name, class and history. The history you choose actually has an impact on the way characters react to you, which is cool. Anyway you end up becoming the first Human to join an elite military organisation called SPECTRE (B5 fans, think of the Rangers). Your mission is to stop a rogue SPECTRE agent from, well, destroying the galaxy basically.

To put the thirty-second YouTube video comment in perspective there is an inspired subplot inserted into this game whereby you can pursue an adult relationship with one of your team-mates. Depending on your gender you get two potential partners. This subplot culminates in the characters having sex towards the end of the game (which, I believe, is common in adult relationships). The scene is largely suggestive and apart from a naked back and a couple of naked arms...well, let's just say it's not exactly porn.

The fact that your character can pursue an adult relationship with another character is amazing, a huge leap forward for games.

Naturally a lot of people didn't like the article and said so. Leading to another article. This article. Please read this too.

Done? Excellent. So now I'm a "gamer nerd" for thinking that a computer game that is tackling adult relationships is a huge step forward for the medium. Apparently I'm also fighting for the right for "lesbo alien sex" which is another great turn of phrase. This article is actually even more erroneous than the original, especially as he tries to tell us all that he didn't, in fact, lie about any damned thing.

If you play games, play this one and see just how much he lied. It's actually an excellent sci-fi space opera where, for once, the best part of the game isn't in the shooting but the dialogue. The conversations.

If you don't play games, simply read the comments below both articles. You don't have to go far down. Us "sex-obssessed, spotty gamer-nerds" put our point across quite well, considering we live in a dimly-lit basement.

Future Perfection

2008-01-15T20:29:08Z

I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of this writing thing. I had a feeling that smoking was clogging up my creativity and holding me back in some way. I'd love to explore how that actually works and if it was physical or psychological. When I smoked I found writing difficult. I stopped just over a week ago. A few days ago ideas came flooding back into my brain and tonight I can start writing shit down. Does anyone know if smoking stifles creativity?

I recently found out that I have a large amount of Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip lying around so I converted it to iPod format and have begin watching it on the big TV with the missus. Why that absolute gem of a TV show died is beyond me. For those who are unfamiliar with it it's stars Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford and Amanda Peet and was created by West Wing's Aaron Sorkin. It's about a the making of a live sketch show in the same vein as Saturday Night Live and it's excellent. If you've seen it then you probably love it because it's the easiest thing in the world to love. If you haven't seen it then the DVD drops in England on Monday. It's already out in America.

I've been fretting over three games coming out over the coming new year. Everyone who reads my blog or knows me knows how badly I got hooked on World of Warcraft and how badly I fell out with it over it's expansion pack. I've now got my eye on three new MMO's. All have amazing potential and a great backdrop.

Stargate: Worlds
Star Trek: MMO
Firefly MMO

Now...the romantic in me says that the Firefly MMO will be the best. However the other two have a much bigger scope. I've been a Star Trek fan a lot longer than a Stargate or Firefly fan. But I love Stargate more than the other two. Help!

Speaking of games I'm slowly getting addicted to an online music, band creator thingy called Music Rivals. Basically you create a band and rule the world. Like these guys. If I manage to hook anyone else into it my band name is Demiurgic.

Help!

alexgary @ 2007-12-19T22:59:00

2007-12-19T23:29:20Z

Whelp, those refit jobs were something else entirely. Did I have a chance to recover from my hotel tour of England? Did I get some time to myself to rest and recuperate? Even just to get some sleep?

Did I fuck.

I finished my last job in Peterbrough on the Friday and they tried to haul me in on a Saturday night (my one-year anniversary no less!) for a meeting about the upcoming Christmas period. After basically ignoring that I started work on the following Tuesday. I managed to negotiate the Monday off but soon came to wish I hadn't because, in exchange for days off to actually see my girlfriend, they got me in for eight days solid. I had one day off after that and I'm pretty sure I was in a coma that day. Now I've settled into the classic five day week cycle. Considering I work in retail and it's Christmas I am pretty close to burnout. No holidays over the Christmas period so time off is a luxury I cannot afford. So naturally what helps is working from 4pm this coming Sunday to 9am the following Monday installing the sale P.O.S. Given the fact that on said Monday I will be travelling to Newcastle and going for a traditional Christmas Eve pint or several I may just sleep through Christmas Day.

Yawn.

But my girlfriend was really nice and bought me an X-Box 360 for my Christmas and 22nd birthday and a whole new gaming world has been opened up to me. Although two of the games I now own, namely Dead Rising and Battlefield 2, are complete shit that still leaves four more (why yes, I do spend my spare money on computer games). Halo 3 is such a vast improvement on the second game that I was deluded to think that it may just be one of the greatest games ever. Luckily I was brought back to my senses.

But dear lord, then along came Mass Effect! Now there be some epic shit! Epic! In italics and everything. It's a great big dirty sci-fi opera with a huge storyline that even my girlfriend enjoys. But the best part is that it has interactive conversations. When your Commander Shephard (lead character) is talking with another character you can choose what to say next. Not what exactly but you do get to chose the type of thing you say next. There's also a whole romantic subplot that you can go through. Plus to say that the main characters, who form the members of your squad, are well developed is a huge understatement. They have backstory to the nth degree. Some of them even give you missions!

Anyway enough about my 360.

Did anyone else hear about Radio 1 censoring 'Fairytale In New York', the single greatest Christmas single ever? Apparently the word "faggot" could be offensive. I'm not one to presume what certain demographics find offensive, but the song has been played every year for, what, 20 years now? Surely if someone in the world anywhere found it offensive surely, in the preceeding twenty or so years, they would have found some way to complain. It's not like it's even being used to insult anyone from that said demographic. Unless there's some deep subplot running through the song that I didn't know about...

alexgary @ 2007-10-31T21:38:00

2007-10-31T21:39:43Z

Hello people, peeps, pizzles etc.

I haven't had the Internet for a long time. And I've also been travelling a lot. I've been doing Currys.digital store refits across the country for the last five weeks. I'm currently typing this in the Ibis hotel in Birmingham, having done a hard eleven-hour shift at the local Bullring XL store. I've also seen Chesire Oaks, Manchester (Trafford), Leeds (where I live anyway), Liverpool, Leicester and Middlesbrough.

And there is such a thing as "train lag".

Apart from the stores I've visited I've also had stopovers in Derby, Sheffield, Wigan, Warrington...I've visited a few places, it's fair to say. And the only things I've seen on my travels are various hotels and Currys.digital stores. That's it! There's so much work involved that my day is basically wake up, breakfast, work, smoke, work, lunch, smoke, work, smoke, tea, smoke, sleep, repeat.

And my weekends are basically sleep, dinner, sleep, repeat.

But I can take some pride in my work, because unlike the usual day to day thing working in the store I can take a step back and see the impact a days work has had. So if you visit a Currys.digital in one of the cities/towns that I've mentioned I've worked in and think "Blimey, this looks different!" then I did that! Go me!

I've had a glance at my friends list and have read some of it but it's a lot to take in. I will get round to it when I get the chance but if you could just comment and tell me how you're doing, I'd appreciate that.

You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort there...

2007-08-20T23:42:42Z

Random Quote of the Day: "So you're saying that every time I have an orgasm I'm achieving oneness with the universe?"

Yes I did actually say that today. It was followed with fits of laughter and I must admit to feeling slightly bad about this, because the discussion was actually about the beliefs of a certain section of people. However it turns out that I wasn't being a complete jackass, we just weren't discussing this topic in-depth, as it were.

I wrote part of an outline today. I enjoyed the experience, I must say. Any outline that begins with "We open with the final battle to save humanity." is gonna be huge. At least that's what I believe anyway. I imagine when you open with those kinds of epic proportions then the rest of the film could be monumentally shit in comparison. I mean, after saving humanity, what else is there?

I found myself extremely disappointed today. A long standing death threat, a writ if you will, has been downgraded to a simple shit-kicking. I must be losing my touch. I still have my other death threat to keep my warm and fuzzy at night, but the halving process is hard to take, I will freely admit.

It turns out that McCarthyism is alive and well.

Have you heard about Wikipedia Scanner yet? I must admit that anyone that is surprised that ol' Wiki is packed full of complete and utter bullshit is naive in the absolute strongest sense of the word. Still, when you can see who has edited respective pages and, indeed, what they have edited, it can be the cause of much amusement. It turns out that history isn't just written by the victors, but it's also written by the superpowers. Or in the case of the high and mighty CIA, re-written. Anyone who trusts all of the information that comes out of the so-called encyclopedia without question must be a what is commonly referred to as a mental case, but it's comforting to know that history can so easily be re-written. I may just join in and mess with people's heads, for laughs.

Now, there have been several...perhaps even in the vicinity of dozens of manuals, guides and tomes for what to do should the unfortunate scenario of a zombie outbreak occur. They're all pretty much the same because everyone knows what zombies can do. Shit, I've never met anyone who hasn't at least seen one zombie movie (yes, 28 Days does count). But now, for all your zombie apocolypse needs, someone has finally come up with what not to do in case of a zombie outbreak, be it by crashed satellite, rage-infected monkies or even in unknown circumstances.

And so I leave to sleep, for it is much needed, plus being upstairs is ideal incase of zombies. Ta.

alexgary @ 2007-08-13T08:23:00

2007-08-13T08:06:05Z

Every newspaper, website and general outlet for so called news has begun to declare that finally, in mid-August, summer is upon us. I'd join in with the overall joy of the occasion but I'm just a bit busy drying my hair after going outside for a cig. Sometimes I think people forget that there is a north of England beyond Watford Gap.

Sometimes things happen in real life that no writer, in their right mind or otherwise, could ever dream up in a million years. Last week I saw a piece of news on Mock the Week (the best source of news anyway) that I missed in the general media. Apparently Russia has "bagsied" the North Pole.

"You can't go around the world and just plant flags and say 'We're claiming this territory'," said the Canadian Prime Minister, pissed that the Russians are laying claim to the same part of land that he's trying to lay claim too. Personally I think that there should be an International bagsy law. I commend the Russians on thinking outside the box. I can imagine a drunk Vladmir Putin with his cabinet, or whatever they are over there, and declaring. "We're going to claim the North Pole...with a flag!" Besides, it's better comedy than I've written.

Unsurprisingly George Dubya hasn't said anything over the issue. He's pissed he didn't think of it first. Given his almost childlike understanding and view of the world, I'm surprised he didn't think of it five years ago. Although he must be silently laughing, because his country have already bagsied something a lot bigger and better than the North Pole. Or maybe it was just a stretch of desert.

Following on from the revelation that I was competing for gaming time against my girlfriend, now she has revivied my love of console games that I have never completed. After finishing HP5 on the Wii she has now completed her collection of Sims 2 expansions (which currently stands at five) and bagsies (I like that word) the laptop at every opportunity, forcing me away from the Internet and my PC games. This has left me to remember that I have a massive console game collection and I am now happily working my way through Legend of Zelda: Twighlight Princess on my Wii. Several months ago my girlfriend never played games. Now we play them side by side.

Maybe I am a bad influence.

That reminds me, for any gamers out there that read my ramblings, the excellent Pure Pwnage has returned for a second season. It's still hilarious, but not as much so as the original episodes. Check it out for a good laugh, they have all their episodes in an archive.

YouTube debates, where members of the American public can record their questions for Republican Presidential candidates to be used in a televisied debate, is awesome. It's got your general mix of idiots, Republicans supporters, raving nutjobs and intelligent people asking intelligent questions. Like Thaddeus from Missouri. The "other side" have been firing back, or rather, firing first in the big violence debate. Games are rated for a reason, as are movies, but if a parent steps up to buy GTA or Manhunt for a kid then the shop assistant cannot refuse service because the parent is old enough to buy the game. Personally I think that a law should be put in place where shop assistants can refuse service to parents when they are buying an 18-rated game for their kids. There needs to be some level of responsibility aimed at the parents who provide their kids with violent media because, right now, they have no responsibility.

Or society could just keep blaming the big meanie that is the game industry, put their fingers back in their ears and go skipping off into the sunset going "lalalalalalala!".

I start again, and whatever pain may come, today this ends...

2007-08-01T19:22:16Z

1408 looks like a pretty creepy film. However so did Emily Rose, so I will reserve my judgement until I have actually seen it. Looks old school with a smattering of Japanese. Them is another film I'm Iiking the look of. Again, creepy, old school and looks delightfully chilling.

One film that I have seen recently was The Simpsons Movie. In a word: superb. Very, very funny film that delivers a laugh approximately every one and a half minutes. There were a couple of jokes aimed at religion that, even in a packed cinema screen, I was the only person that laughed at. A couple of dirty looks were even aimed my way and I was, at first, worried that I would be the target of some kind of religious justice squad. Luckily no such justice was dished out and I was allowed to watch the movie, and scoff my popcorn, in relative peace. To summarise: excellent film. If you haven't seen it go do so immediately. If you have, go see it again anyway. I won't be doing the latter because I am broke and there is another film I want to see.

I have, through unfortunate circumstances, been forced to move back in with my parents. Oh the joyous joys of joyton. Every other conversation is about money, a topic I dislike talking about with a passion.

The new Resident Evil 5 trailer has hit the Interweb and, surprise, surprise, has provoked a racism row. I would comment on this inane piece of garbage writing, but to tell you the truth, it's pretty evident that the writer in question hasn't done any research into anything regarding the Resident Evil franchise, nor does she appear to be aware that the dominant ethnicity of Africa is black. If a game is set in Africa then and a viral outbreak occurs, it does stand to reason that the majority of the zombies would be black. It's also pretty evident that the writer is also racist. I direct your attention to the fifth comment of the blog, written by the writer herself.

Lastly, I have no idea whether this is true or not, but holy crap!

Peace be wit' ya!

Gimme three steps, gimme three steps mister, and you'll never see me no more...

2007-07-26T10:04:02Z

As a resident of Great Britain I have been unable to escape news reports, videos and images regarding the recent flooding crisis. I've noticed over the last few days that the news reporters (for the BBC at least) have been reporting that, even though Gloucester is practically underwater, they have no fresh drinking water. Oh the irony, the reporters will say, and I swear I can almost see a small smile, a slight curving of the lips, as they report this. Bastards. Don't get me wrong I see the funny side...

...I just won't laugh.

I felt that, given the outspoken nature of my blog, I shouldn't let this little nugget slip by. I hope ol' Dubya doesn't get a hold of this news item, he might think it's a good idea.

I have a friend who worked a shop in Iraq's Green Zone. He used to share all kinds of stories with me about what happened, the most frequent being what happened during a mortar/rocket attack. I admire his courage, because he stuck it out for a good six months, if I recall correctly. Some people have this idea that the Green Zone is perfectly safe from attack and that the area isn't subject to bombing more than once or twice a week. Try once or twice a day. For some reason the daily Green Zone bombings don't make the news...ever. Until now, that is. More warmongering if you ask me. I quote:

"We think this is directly related to training conducted inside Iran,"

We think. That's an interesting word. I think that the Big Brother eviction process is fixed. I think that Deep Space Nine was a direct rip-off of Babylon 5 (a bad one, at that). I think that cannibis isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. I think the new Simpsons movie could be the best movie I'm going to see since Advent Children.

But I don't have any concrete evidence to support my theories.

The only difference between my theories and Lieutenant-General Raymond Odierno's theories is that my theories are, by and large, harmless. His theory, or accusation, could lead to war with Iran. There has been no concrete evidence presented apart from the fact that the attacks are getting more accurate. I theorise that, given the fact the Green Zone has been in Iraq for a good number of years and also our forces have been under attack since the so-called "Mission Accomplished", perhaps they are getting more accurate because they have been shooting at it for a good number of years. Perhaps?

Finally, on a lighter note, Gateworld is reporting that Farscape is returning! Accorcing to the Stargate site the series is returning as a 10-part web series. The article in question can be found by clicking right here.

alexgary @ 2007-07-22T23:51:00

2007-07-22T22:53:04Z

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows/Penis Metaphor

DO NOT click this link unless you've read the final (yeah, right) book.

http://mightygodking.livejournal.com/345287.html

In life I've seen wonders, I played my stupid games with you...

2007-07-20T08:33:27Z

Usually, when I'm not living with my best mate, I never have competition to play computer games. When I want to game, I game, it's as simple as that. Lately I've noticed a strange phenomena and it's all Nintnedo's fault.

Last night I played a game of Mario Party 8 on the Nintendo Wii...with my girlfriend. My GIRLFRIEND! Her gaming experience has thus far been limited to The Sims, a curious excursion into World of Warcraft and a smattering of poor Harry Potter games. Now, when we're not facing off with some Wii Sports or playing Warioware: Smooth Moves I'm competing with her for game time. Usually she's playing Harry Potter And The Goblet of Fire, a decent attempt at a computer game, when I feel like some Zelda action. It's an odd situation and one which I usually lose, either firing up a game on my laptop or moving upstairs to finish GTA: San Andreas or another run through of Resi 4.

Speaking of Harry Potter And The Goblet of Fire I was taken (almost against my will) to see it on Monday. While I will admit that the "child" actors have improved a great deal and it's definitely a better attempt at a film than the previous four, I still didn't enjoy it. While I do find the constant similarites to Star Wars amusing (mostly because when I point them out it annoys my girlfriend) so many good parts of the book were wrecked. The twins' escape from the school and Gary Oldman's death scene are two examples of poor scenes that should have been so much better.

alexgary @ 2007-07-09T19:40:00

2007-07-09T18:41:08Z

Jump, gypsy!

The battle rages, but they fight in vain, when all is done, they must begin again

2007-07-09T10:12:02Z

iTunes and all iTune related products can kiss my arse. I have a new mission statement; bomb Apple. Who's with me?

Wista sucks too. Shiny thought it is, it's ability to turn mild-mannered little me ("what?") into a screaming, foam at the mouth berserker outweighs any shininess it has. It is damn shiny though.

"Babylon 5 is a place of beginnings and endings. I wonder which this will be?"

I need anyone who wants to write some Stargate to say "yo" or any variation of the word "yo" (oy, for example). I have a slow moving plan afoot to keep me writing constantly and stop me going insane.

It's not the only plan I have afoot.

When you see that your writing folder is as big as your music folder, isn't that the time to do something about it?

Speaking of Apple, does anyone else think Chris Martin may have had the worlds first sponsored baby? It would explain that ridiculous name.

Bonkers is a funny word, no?

I've played World of Warcraft for a week and realised why I stopped in the first place. Bring on Stargate Worlds!

It's like they channel me and Russ and make comics about what we would do in certain situations. Seriously!

Now, excuse me, I'm off for a cig and a swim (at the local swimming pool). "As they say in France; 'bonjour!'"

alexgary @ 2007-04-29T21:35:00

2007-04-29T21:01:37Z

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Why is that a mis-spelling? It's maniacal laughter you fucking machine! Get with the program, jeez!

And why do I suddenly have this fancy MS Word style toolbar above my typing box. And why is toolbar a mis-spelling too? What's happening here? Where the hell am I, did I come to right site?

Why has the Internet changed so much? Why are there bands like Razorlight and singer-songwriters like Mika being hailed as the most important musical geniuses of a generation? Is that my generation? Because I can shit better music than that Come to think of it, they are inspirational in a way. "Even shit musicians can make a crapload of money by writing total trash!" And why is crapload not a proper word?

Do the BBC run the same story about people getting killed in Iraq every day, but with different numbers, names and locations? Why the hell did Prince William dump Kate Middleton? I mean, look at her! If I find oil in my back garden, will I be invaded by George Bush for owning enough computer games consoles to power ten nuclear reactors, on the grounds of WMD's?

Have I been gone long enough for all my friends to forget all about me? I hope not, that'd be sad, although I'm a different person now than 'back then', whenever then was.

What happened to Studio 60? I want my Studio 60 back! Why did SG-1 get canceled at its best?

Why for the name of God that, even though I have my location set as UK, is my new spell checker set to American? And no, that's not 'American English', because American isn't English!

And also, how the devil are all of you, my dear friends? Was I gone long?